Would you drive a car without learning first how to drive it? Or fix an appliance without first having googled what to do, or at least discussed the problem with someone who could help remedy it? What about expecting to pass an exam without having had a lesson, lecture, seminar, tutorial on it or done any research on the subject?
No, you say, of course not! And yet, another friend, another relationship, is not going well. One party keeps everything going on, bottled inside themselves, the other talks to all and sundry, but essentially only to vent enough steam to be able to continue the modus operandi. At the moment they have no money for counselling, no time to take a marriage course and have no knowledge of self-help books and films that would help them.
This couple have children. Walking away from the relationship would have caused enough damage to the couple and other people in their lives before they had children. Now they have children the damage would be untold! Any of us in a relationship, even the ones we want to be in for all the right reasons, will on a regular basis neither be, nor have a picnic! To continue the metaphor though, if you want decent meals then you had better learn to cook!
None of us can expect a decent relationship without learning first what a decent relationship looks like, finding out how to get one and then finding out how to keep it. We expect no less for the products in our lives, how much more important then, is it to work hard to fix and operate the relationships in our lives, i.e. the things that really count!
Another shock this week that all is not well with a friend’s relationship behind closed doors. This is not the first case of being enlightened about the truth of what is going on behind the scenes with a friend and I am certain that it won’t be the last. Perhaps because I ask ‘meaningful’ questions, or because of my love of self help, people think I will be able to help and they make me become a party to a lot of information that, for the circles I run in, could make your hair curl!
Credit to them for sharing and keeping it real. Thankfully a lot of the time I am able to help, or at least my book collection is! It is just a reminder though, that most of us, intentionally or not, will seem one way when actually, very often things are another way. To you a person might look like they are the most sorted, have the perfect relationship, are minted and doing fabulously at work. In my experience, it is often said person whose relationship is heading for the rocks, lives on a permanent overdraft that is not about to be paid off anytime soon, has had verbal warnings at work and is on the verge of a nervous breakdown!
How would you know this though, because to your eyes their life is going swimmingly? Just remember, the next time that you think your life sucks and that xyz are royally getting on your nerves because life couldn’t be going any better for them… chances are all is not well for them too in some area of their life. That is just life… for us all. Time to build our garden fence a little higher and start watering and composting our own garden, I think. Just don’t ask me how I worked this particular post out!
Me jealous? Envious? Never…