Had the longest conversation with a dear friend of mine yesterday. It turns out that all has been far from well in her marriage for a long time. She has since fallen in love with someone else, divorced her husband and plans to marry her new man! Nothing unusual in that you say. True. If I say that she still lives with the ex-husband and will do so until the children are grown and has not so much kissed the new man in her life, let alone slept with him, is it beginning to sound a little more unusual?
I don’t doubt that my friend and this new man have something special. He is supportive of her and her children, emotionally, spiritually, practically, in fact, to hear her tell it in every conceivable way! To which many of the girls reading this will be saying, I can get all that without sex? Where do I sign? But there lies the rub. The man isn’t gay and he is no virgin either. He is a full, red blooded male who will want and need sex from my friend, sooner rather than later and there is no way he will wait 5 years to get it until they are married. I fear that this will all end in tears!
My friend is a sweetie. Naïve, but lovely. I have told her, if you want to keep this man you will either have to marry him quickly or be sleeping with him until you can. I know this, having learnt the lesson myself a long time ago. My very wise and experienced mother, in probably the only sex education lesson she ever gave me said that if that was the sort of man that I wanted to be with, then that was the sort of girl I would need to become. I’m not proud of it, but at least I married him!
It’s the same inside marriage too. Take sex off the cards and you will have a problem. Good luck to my friend and her other half. They will need it.
Yesterday evening I watched the film Love and Drugs with Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal about a serial womaniser who falls in love for the first time! A catch enough in itself, except that the woman he falls for is also sick with the early onset of degenerative Parkinson’s disease.
Such a condition is would be a lot for any couple to get their head round, let alone a brand new couple, one of whom has never been committed in their life! Needless to say, when Jake’s character is given advice to run for the hills by a husband of a fellow Parkinson’s sufferer, he heeds the advice, probably thinking he had had a lucky escape.
Love is a funny thing though, as the last 10 minutes of the film point out. If love, in the form of someone, touches you, there is no going back. As the film is based on a true story, so it will ring true for most people in a relationship. No, having a debilitating illness as part of the equation is far from ideal and possibly at the extreme end of what most couples have to cope with. How often though have you wished he didn’t snore or that she was a little bit slimmer? That he would just listen more instead of jumping in with the answers or that she wasn’t always so tired when you were in the mood and so on?
I have already written of how I would like another child, whilst at the moment Other Half wants to stick at two. There is nothing to stop me having another child if I really want, right now, but it wouldn’t be his. Other Half could have a wife right now who was more than happy to stop at two children, she just wouldn’t be me!
And therein lies the crux. You don’t get perfect. You probably don’t even get ideal. You get who you want though and, for all their faults, be honest, you wouldn’t have it any other way!