Had the longest conversation with a dear friend of mine yesterday. It turns out that all has been far from well in her marriage for a long time. She has since fallen in love with someone else, divorced her husband and plans to marry her new man! Nothing unusual in that you say. True. If I say that she still lives with the ex-husband and will do so until the children are grown and has not so much kissed the new man in her life, let alone slept with him, is it beginning to sound a little more unusual?
I don’t doubt that my friend and this new man have something special. He is supportive of her and her children, emotionally, spiritually, practically, in fact, to hear her tell it in every conceivable way! To which many of the girls reading this will be saying, I can get all that without sex? Where do I sign? But there lies the rub. The man isn’t gay and he is no virgin either. He is a full, red blooded male who will want and need sex from my friend, sooner rather than later and there is no way he will wait 5 years to get it until they are married. I fear that this will all end in tears!
My friend is a sweetie. Naïve, but lovely. I have told her, if you want to keep this man you will either have to marry him quickly or be sleeping with him until you can. I know this, having learnt the lesson myself a long time ago. My very wise and experienced mother, in probably the only sex education lesson she ever gave me said that if that was the sort of man that I wanted to be with, then that was the sort of girl I would need to become. I’m not proud of it, but at least I married him!
It’s the same inside marriage too. Take sex off the cards and you will have a problem. Good luck to my friend and her other half. They will need it.
Tired of our marital arguments causing distress to our children we have decided to put in some boundaries in the form of RULES! Rather than put them in a negative format we turned them around and made them positive. So:
- no shouting has become speak calmly
- no sarcasm has become speak kindly
- and no sulking has become raise disputes quickly and honestly – whilst of course being calm and kind at the same time!
What a wake up call! Boy have we laughed. You would not believe how often we were raising our voices, being sarcastic and being stroppy. Had it not been for our communal sense of humour we may well have spent the days in silence, albeit for the right reasons!
So far though, so good. Little man isn’t crying and putting his hands over his ears anymore and little lady isn’t informing us that she will not allow her parents to divorce! They say that rules are made to be broken. In our house they may yet be the making of us.