If you don’t ask you won’t get!
Someone I know wants to go to an event with her Other Half. So far so good. Only they haven’t gotten along relationally for some time and seem like two singles living under the same roof, parenting their children. Call me cupid, but as the woman in the situation spoke of her Other Half, I suspected that the feelings were not nearly as over as she thought they were. Little stirrer that I am, in my own way I pointed this out.
Another time, another conversation and obviously much thought has gone on in my absence. Now there is an event that the woman would like to go to. This is where things would have remained. She wants to go, he has an invite, without further action he will be going alone, or not at all!
More intervention and brave woman that she is becoming, she tells her Other Half she would like to go. His response? He is not sure whether or not he is going yet…Cold! You tried, give up right? Wrong! That wasn’t a No! That was a, I’m hurt, we haven’t been getting along, and I am not taking you to my works do, so that you can look around the room and find Mr Next!
So now, we are working on letting Him know that there will be no Mr Next and that actually she would very much like to go to the event with Him and spend some quality time together, away from the children together.
No one is a mind reader. No matter what stage of a relationship you are in, if there is something you would like, you need to ask. If they say no, then ask why and start to negotiate. But, they just might say yes, even if it is eventually!
As you know, I am in the middle of reading this book right now. It’s Superb! Kristine Barnett is Superb. So often as I read I have the biggest smile on my face and tears at the back of my eyes. Those of you who have been reading this blog for long enough know the lifelong path that we started on once we met Autism and its spectrum so to see what someone else on the same journey, further along than us, has been able to achieve has been wonderful. As usual, child or relative on the spectrum or not, I absolutely recommend that you read the story of Jake, his Mum and his family!
I could have ended the post right there, but I haven’t got to my reason for posting yet! Something truly shocking happens about halfway through the book. Well two things actually and to hear Kristine’s version of them, you see that she is genuinely surprised at their occurrence. Needless to say, she cracks on and sorts them out like the trooper she is, and I presume will always be, and the story will go on. Kristine Barnett is an amazing woman and her husband an equally amazing man, but even phenomenal people need to know their limits.
You cannot work all the hours that God sends running a nursery/daycare business, have a child with Autism, have another child with a life threatening condition, go on to set up a charity for lots of children with Autism to get them into Reception/Kindergarten and then have a third child, whilst keeping all of the above going. Underlying condition or not, something is going to give and my first bet would have always been her health. For your Other Half to then have to pick up all those reins, plus keep his own job going with new and unwelcome challenges being presented there, I would have bet that his health would be next. I will need to keep reading to find out what happens next, but I am absolutely sure that the fantastic family that they are, all will be well.
If you are like the Barnetts, achieve the outstanding and amazing, but look after yourself too. Rest, take breaks, relax and try not to overdo it. Yes hon, you are one of those of which I write! Balance is a wonderful thing. As is your health!
Got to have a date afternoon (parents with children in school, full-time version of a date night!) with Other Half yesterday which was lovely. We went to the cinema to watch Gravity starring Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. What a fantastic film! Sad, beautiful, inspiring and one of those movies you watch in awe. If you have ever been sad, specifically or about life in general you must go and see this film. Of course please tell me what you thought about it afterwards!
That isn’t what this blog is about though. I worry that this amazing film will not be doing the circuits for too long. If it is so amazing then why on earth(excuse the pun) not? Simply this – the trailer shows 3 people in space having a problem! That’s it! Other Half wanted to see this film because he loves anything to do with space and really should have become an astronaut! I went to see it because it was Other Half’s day off and it would have been pretty rotten of me to hijack the day by insisting we go and see ‘The Butler’, although I am hijacking his next day off in December and we are doing just that! Essentially we saw the movie by default, for completely different reasons to the ones that we and you will love the movie for. In this, whoever did the marketing for the movie has seriously messed up!
Someone once told me to go and see the Shawshank Redemption. What is it about I asked. Well, the Shawshank is a prison and I can’t tell you about the redemption or I will ruin the film, was their response. Gravity is a similar sort of movie. I don’t want to ruin the film for you, but in the light of this blog being called, How Do You Think It’s Done? trust me and just go and see it.
Had the longest conversation with a dear friend of mine yesterday. It turns out that all has been far from well in her marriage for a long time. She has since fallen in love with someone else, divorced her husband and plans to marry her new man! Nothing unusual in that you say. True. If I say that she still lives with the ex-husband and will do so until the children are grown and has not so much kissed the new man in her life, let alone slept with him, is it beginning to sound a little more unusual?
I don’t doubt that my friend and this new man have something special. He is supportive of her and her children, emotionally, spiritually, practically, in fact, to hear her tell it in every conceivable way! To which many of the girls reading this will be saying, I can get all that without sex? Where do I sign? But there lies the rub. The man isn’t gay and he is no virgin either. He is a full, red blooded male who will want and need sex from my friend, sooner rather than later and there is no way he will wait 5 years to get it until they are married. I fear that this will all end in tears!
My friend is a sweetie. Naïve, but lovely. I have told her, if you want to keep this man you will either have to marry him quickly or be sleeping with him until you can. I know this, having learnt the lesson myself a long time ago. My very wise and experienced mother, in probably the only sex education lesson she ever gave me said that if that was the sort of man that I wanted to be with, then that was the sort of girl I would need to become. I’m not proud of it, but at least I married him!
It’s the same inside marriage too. Take sex off the cards and you will have a problem. Good luck to my friend and her other half. They will need it.