I read an article some time back, probably in the Guardian, but for the life of me can I find it now? Not amongst the stack of Saturday sections that I have yet to plough my way through, nor a quick, yet thorough search for said article online.
So why mention it now if all is done and dusted? For the simple reason that I seem to have been quoting it an awful lot to men and women of a certain age – think special birthday of mine coming up next week – who think the whole marriage and kids thing has passed them by.
“Wrong!” I quickly inform them, referring to this story that I read. So for any of you who may also be thinking that unwanted singledom is to be your lot, or the lot of a friend or family member of yours, read the following and take heart!
A woman who thought she would obviously be remaining single having gotten into her late 30s without a significant other, then meets someone and gets married at 40. Despite all the articles to the contrary, she gets pregnant soon afterwards (naturally) and has a child at 42, as I recall. Wanting a second child, this woman is able to have another child at 45. Job done! Thinking at 48 though, that she is going through an early menopause, lo and behold, you can imagine the joy to find that it is baby number 3 instead! Yes husband was about 10 years junior, but Mum’s age was Mum’s age, so do be inspired.
I love such stories because you just couldn’t make them up!
Do you ever feel as though you are having a ground hog day. Or week, month or year? You have been there and done that and thought that you were done, yet here you are doing the same old same old dance?
The same can apply to people – the friend that you still see occasionally even though they betrayed you, or the ex who you swore you were finished with, yet here you are having to sheepishly tell everyone that you are back together.
Why? Closure! You haven’t got it yet. Sometimes we have to go back to the’ scene of the crime’ so to speak and try to fix it, in order to realise that, for us, whatever it is can’t be fixed! Once we realise that and decide that broken isn’t good enough for us, then we are able to move on. Should we want to that is. For some people broken, nearly good enough, imperfect is fine. Fair enough.
If said rerun scenario is not for you though, don’t beat yourself up about being where you don’t really want to be. Last time around you probably didn’t even realise that you didn’t want to be here! This time around you may actually be able to make the break!
You have to read this post. Why? Where to start… In my case I came across it from a Mumsnet referral when the writer won an award for her blog. It broke my heart. It made me feel. It made me want to cry and it made me want to give. Where was the paypal button that would have meant I could send money which would make life just a little easier for the writer and her son?
Looking around the blog a little more, time has thankfully made things better for Jack and her boy. She now has steady employment, a book deal, awards to her name and I presume more disposable income. For the place that she has left though there will be so many others just like her. Just not as passionate, vocal or gifted in writing perhaps.
I needed to see this blog to get in touch with some of my emotions again. Working 3 jobs, plus preparation time, my life right now feels chaotic and unbalanced and I am only getting through by switching feelings off and battling on. As heart-breaking as the piece of writing was, it reminds me how much I have to be grateful for, but more importantly it turns my heart back to the plight of others and making things better for them, rather than just making life wonderful for me.
I dream of living in a clutter free household with everything within it being beautiful or useful. Perhaps very occasionally even sentimental, but certainly all surfaces would be clear and as I surveyed any room it’s appearance would make me feel tranquil.
Right now of course, I could not be further from such a state of affairs. As I look around the room I see shoes, the contents of a changing bag, sheets of paper and various bags strewn across the floor. That is before we get to what is on the furniture, or so help me, what lies within our cupboards! Especially my pet hate, clothes, shoes and toys that the children have grown out of!
What to do? Give them away to charity or sell them because I need the money? Have I really got the time to list them on Ebay though and will it be financially worthwhile for me to do, assuming that said items sell at all?
This was the gist of a conversation with a school run Gran as I walked to work the other day, as she had highlighted a pile of clothes that her grandchildren had grown out of to their mother. What had she done with all of the clothes that her children grew out of when they were younger, I asked, to which she had the following very interesting reply:
- When her children were little there were few high street shops to buy children’s clothes and shoes from, such as Ladybird and Clarks and said items were not cheap so you bought fewer of them.
- People didn’t have access to computers like we do today so their was no selling of items on Ebay, you just passed quality items onto a friend with a younger child of the same sex as yours. In the same way, other friends passed things on to you.
- Often furniture e.g. cots, prams and other higher ticket items were passed through families, bought as gifts or could be picked up cheaply from an advert in the local shop window or newspaper.
I am never one to think that those of the past had it better or easier, after all, I wasn’t there, but that is not to say that there isn’t still an awful lot we can take as lessons from the past to make our own lives simpler and easier. I may still Ebay a couple of high end items, but the clothes purchased will be fewer in number and, when finished with, will be passed on to friends!