Despite having had a Facebook account for sometime, I didn’t really get it and still don’t use it very much. Not having a Smartphone (yes I know I am a Luddite) it is really difficult to keep abreast of everyone’s news. Besides, why would I want to? I only have about 60 people that I am friends with on Facebook, which I realise will seem a miniscule number to the technological of you. The volume of information that such a number of friends generates makes me ask those of you with 10x or 100x as many friends, how do you cope?
The point is, these people did not seem real to me. I knew most of them at school, hadn’t spoken to many in years and may never see some of them again. That’s not real. No phone calls, no meetings, no Christmas or birthday cards. And where do people find the time to write on there every day about what little Johnny said or did today, or what they are making for dinner that night?
What did I know? When I posted about my friend dying, the condolences from my friends on Facebook were heartfelt and immediate. Their content was also open, genuine and mirrored my horror at the suddenness of it all. One friend spoke about how she hugged her children a little longer that night as she thought of me, my friend and my friend’s daughter. Perhaps the loveliest thing of all though, was the sheer volume of replies. Yes, you can ring one person and have a chat with them, which can make you feel better, but you can’t ring 10,20, 40 people all at once and get a connection with them. Now that will make you feel even better still!
There is still nothing like having coffee with a friend, catching up on the telephone or receiving mail through the post. Facebook has its place in keeping us in contact too though. I’m glad now that it’s there.
Started the day well – not – by rowing with Little Lady. Having bought her ‘Now That’s What I call Music 83’ as part of her Christmas stocking, for some reason she decided to play it before school this morning. What she should have been doing is practising her violin, but as it was the last day of term she probably thought she would get away with such a decision. She wasn’t wrong!
Amelia Lily, was not the song she wanted to listen to, but after the two songs she wanted, it came on and I went wild! Bad enough in the eyes of a 7 year old, but I had to take it a step further and insist that she dance with me. Really? What was I thinking. 7 versus coming on for 40! It just wasn’t going to happen! You just don’t have that sense of abandon at that age and by the time you get it, you want to display it with your best friends, not your mother!
Hence, Little Lady gave me some choice words about me being embarrassing, her not liking the song and her not wanting to dance to such loud music in such a fashion thank you! I gave her some choice words about her being no fun, not liking dancing and not knowing good music when she hears it. Who knows which came first!
Needless to say, when I had calmed down and got over the disappointment of not playing Susan Sarandon in the film Stepmom (singing and dancing with her children, rather than being terminally ill) I gave Little Lady a hug and kiss and told her she was right to disagree with me, that she was only 7 and clearly enjoyed music, singing and dancing, just differently to me. This is as it should be as she is on earth to be herself, not a clone of me.
What I didn’t say was that I am getting older and I miss what goes on in the video. If I were to do what I did with anyone of my own age we would both feel old and silly, which is why I did it with my daughter. Who finds me equally old and silly!
Have been run off of my feet again and not even had time to blog in reserve! So what’s new?
Well, I got the job! Go figure! Actually, despite the formality of the interview (but that’s interviews for you) and leaving with an infinite list of how I SHOULD have conducted myself, I came out hoping the school would give me a job. I like the kids, the staff, the ethos of the school in general and the improvement that they are trying to make to the lives of the children.
Working 3 jobs will be no picnic I am sure, but I both want to DO each of them and am COMMITTED to each of them until July, despite the protestations of the Other Half. I once heard someone say, “Show me someone with no commitment and I’ll show you someone with no growth.” I can honestly say that I this has worked for me in the past, so here is hoping that it will work for me again as I try to give each of the people I work for and with my very best. I will of course let you know!
Little Lady goes to a Spanish class where I have gotten to know some of the other mum’s quite well whilst she is having her lesson.
I just received an email, that the Mum of one of her classmates died of a brain haemorrhage on Friday. She leaves a daughter the same age as mine and a partner. This mum and I talked together every week and she gave me some wonderful advice for my little girl’s future and lots of advice in general – call it words to the wise. I can’t believe she’s gone. We sat and talked last week and I fully intended to speak to her again at the next lesson.
Why wouldn’t I? This woman was attractive, intelligent, interesting, funny, kind, informative, friendly, and seemingly very healthy. A second mum to all of our children. More fool me! Don’t take the next second for granted, it isn’t guaranteed.
In tears, rest in peace my friend.
I am off for an interview tomorrow and I’m dreading it. Not because I don’t want the job, but because it isn’t the right time for me, what with the two other types of paid work that I have already committed to until July.
So how do I find myself in this position? I didn’t have a vision for myself and quite simply if you don’t have a vision for yourself someone else will have one for you! Instead of saying, “Actually I am already committed for now, but would love you to remember me for any opportunities for September,” I took on board someone else’s wants and needs and now find myself in an undesirable position.
For anyone wanting to avoid my predicament (and that includes me!) have both a vision of how you want things to be and the language to ensure that YOUR plan and not that of another’s is what comes to pass.
Tired of our marital arguments causing distress to our children we have decided to put in some boundaries in the form of RULES! Rather than put them in a negative format we turned them around and made them positive. So:
- no shouting has become speak calmly
- no sarcasm has become speak kindly
- and no sulking has become raise disputes quickly and honestly – whilst of course being calm and kind at the same time!
What a wake up call! Boy have we laughed. You would not believe how often we were raising our voices, being sarcastic and being stroppy. Had it not been for our communal sense of humour we may well have spent the days in silence, albeit for the right reasons!
So far though, so good. Little man isn’t crying and putting his hands over his ears anymore and little lady isn’t informing us that she will not allow her parents to divorce! They say that rules are made to be broken. In our house they may yet be the making of us.
I AM LOVING THIS BOOK! Not because it’s working wonders for my marriage. Probably completely the opposite! And yes Dear, I know you will be reading this! Steal yourself and resolve to stay married beyond the end of the book and then read it from cover to cover. I am only a few chapters in, but my, have a good few things been explained to me already! Like why I turned into Mrs Mop the second I got a ring on my finger. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry and yes I am ashamed to say putting away other half’s underwear into his chest of drawers! This despite the fact that we both worked full time back then. According to Susan Maushart this is perfectly normal behaviour. For herself included and she knew far better than I did!
The following are some of my wake up calls so far:
- that marriage will absolutely make a difference to your relationship and that some of it will be negative
- that the list of wifework listed on p.10 would make me both laugh and cry, not necessarily in healthy proportions
- that there are 3 types of marriage – His, Hers and The Children’s and that the better Her marriage experience is the worse it will be for the other 2 types of marriage involved
- that in my zeal to show I can do anything, it will often feel as though I do everything
- and that the second we had children our marriage stopped being a date!
Did I mention that I am still on chapter 1?
Really though, as much as I love being married and adore being a mother, there was a me too. Reading this book is helping the ‘me’ now and the ‘me’ back then to get re-acquainted.
Love ya hon! Especially because YOU are going to read the book next!
No posts for a couple of days as little man has been unwell this week and off of nursery for 3 days. Cleaning, keeping on top of the household accounts, other admin and blogging all went out of the window as I spent all my time seeing to his every demand. Zumba paid the price today too as I was just too tired!
Despite being so behind on everything though, I remember what my Mother-In-Law once said to me after the birth of little lady about doing what you can, when you can, so that is what I shall now do. Wash up, quickly vac and get lots of the posts written that have been going through my head over the last few days. I don’t have to publish them all today and next time something happens to stop me blogging, hopefully you won’t even notice!
“But I don’t want to seem neurotic…” a. friend shared as to why she was reluctant to return to an unsympathetic doctor about yet another, probably related symptom. Being the gentle soul that she is, and the not-known-for-keeping-my-mouth-shut type that I am, I didn’t want to scare her. When it comes to your health though, DON’T PLAY! I couldn’t care less what the doctor thinks of her or me, something is not right with her body. I hope and pray that it is just stress, but even that has long term consequences if not addressed. More likely it is something neurological, possibly serious and her doctor needs to be sending her for every test available to get to the bottom of it. Until then they should not rest and neither should she. Whether she shouts it from the roof tops or quietly turns up on a regular basis until they get sick of the sight of her is irrelevant, the point is that my friend must not give up until something is done.
My sister – the most wonderful storyteller I know, told me about a woman who needed an operation http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2700364/Patient-refuses-to-leave-hospital-after-operation-cancelled.html. It had been cancelled so many times it was untrue, until eventually this woman had enough. When having been admitted to the hospital again, only for said surgery to be cancelled again, this woman refused to leave her bed and said that she wasn’t going anywhere until she’d had her surgery. Don’t you just love people like that? The surgeon took pity on her story and operated, whilst at the same time making clear to the newspapers that this would be a one off act of kindness and that it did not set a hospital precedent! I DON’T CARE! The woman got her surgery. To my friend and to you all, whatever it is that you medically need, make sure you that you get it.
I haven’t posted for a couple of days. Not because I haven’t got lots to share with you, but because I was run off of my feet. Yes, physician heal thyself and all that, but let the record state now, I AM LEARNING TOO. Essentially, something had to give, hence for a couple of days it was blogging, amongst many other things. Sometimes life is like that. Knowing what I do about Time Management (which with time I will share with you) I know how to begin to return life to manageability and the vision I have for it. In the meantime, I thought it a good reminder to us all, that when our backs are up against it and something’s got to give, make sure that the something isn’t you!